Why Praise Matters (The difference between bosses and leaders.)

Stephan Gardner
2 min readDec 20, 2024

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Back in 2006, I nearly died because of work stress.

Sure, it was a self-inflicted attempt at death, but it was due to my job.

Now, I can’t ‘really’ say that — a more appropriate version is ‘my capacity to deal with criticism with nearly zero praise was vastly lacking, and the result of that was feeling hopeless, not enough, and suicidal.’

Whatever the reason, the result was my first conscious attempt at ending it.

I’m writing this not to seek comfort or compassion or to use a sob story to generate likes. I’m writing it because of the importance of proper management.

See, the place of employment where I worked has a track record of being a public-facing mental health supporter, and being a private mental health nightmare with high turnover rates, and spending a fortune on mental health solutions for its stressed employees.

I was lucky. Yes, I was overwhelmed, stressed, and totally dissociated from what was happening (I thought I was being fired the next day — when I got the job as a permanent placement.), but on the same night when my feelings took over, the voice in my head won, and I tried to end my life with a knife — I discovered personal development minutes after.

That’s when everything changed. I went from unaware — not knowing what my problem was, not knowing I could do anything about it, not knowing anything was available to help me — to being aware. I was so aware that after buying a turtleneck to cover my self-inflicted wound, I went to work, discovered I was permanently hired and was one of the best hires they ever had, and then proceeded to sign up for every stress, mental health, or personal growth course offered by the company.

The result? Profound disappointment. Here’s why.

‘If you want happy employees, happy relationships, or happy people, praise then criticize.’ — Tony Robbins

Happy employees result from one very simple trait in human beings: the capacity to handle rejection when our preceding experience is praise or acceptance. Why? When you give praise to someone, their nervous system responds with positive feelings. Therefore, when they receive criticism, they already feel good about it (or at least more accepting).

Happy employees are not a result of having to supplement bad human relationships with courses taught by stressed-out educators, trying their best to change people’s lives, while all the well knowing they’re just going to send their students back into the warzone where they’ll experience more of the same:

Criticism, then maybe some Praise.

Key Takeaway: Practicing praise before criticism is vital if you want people to hear you and feel good about talking with you. It’s way easier to manage a team when your team isn’t going to bed at night thinking about how afraid they are about their next contact with you.

Consider this the next time you manage your team, relate with your spouse, or are just looking to get through the work day and go home to a slightly better life than when you left this morning.

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Stephan Gardner
Stephan Gardner

Written by Stephan Gardner

Guitarist. Studying at Peterson Academy. Owner of rare books about money. Psychology enthusiast. Promoter of Inner Capital. Edits people for a living

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